Haven't updated it almost 2 weeks... lets see.
Did go to BR to see K and her friend B. Had a lovely time. Went to an awesome Japanese restaurant and tried new food, went and browsed fabric and picked out some to make K's baby blanket, went swimming at B's parents house (it's been like 2 years since I've been in a pool), then ended up going out to eat with K's husband, their daughter and her husband's mom and step dad. It was a really nice day. K being pregnant makes me sort all eggy, but at the same time, it's been the first time that a good friend is pregnant and I'm actually close enough by to say, visit and get to see the kiddo after it's born. I moved before all my friends at home from prep/HS started having babies, I haven't met any of them, and some are 2!

G & E's mom (usually referred to as Psycho by me -- mature? no... but if you've met her, you understand), decided that she was going to drive in last week for "parents day" at the art camp. Mind you, hubby teaches at said art camp and has for years. Since I've been in the picture (5 yrs) she has not once come for parents day at the camp... even when she lived in the same damn town. I"m sure she had some sort of other reason for coming. My bet was she wanted to get her brother to take her out on his boat to go looky-loo at the oil spill. The other plausible explanation is that her son was driving her nuts and getting G 2 weeks early might give her a reprive. She took her Wed after camp, came to the camp thurs, pulled grace out early because her son was throwing a fit (logic would be, let G stay and get dropped off rather than her be punished by her brother's behavior), I guess they headed back to Tx on friday. I wish I would have known she was going directly with her mom wed, I would have made sure to give her a squeeze on my way out the door on Wed morning.
The rest of the week was rather uneventful. Friday I took the dog to the vet, it was expensive. Sat morning we took the dog for a 'temperament test" at the dog nanny place, to make sure he can play nice with other dogs. He seemed to have fun, but I'm still going to feel bad leaving him for 5 days in July. The rest of Saturday we didn't really do anything productive. Husband and I ended up getting into it about babies and pregnancy. It came up innocently in the car on the way home from getting groceries. Off course the second we walk in the house, he drops the the topic. Well later in the evening, I tried to broach it again. He tells me house he doesn't want it to become a fight, and he feels like he's being punished for other people's rudeness and that I only bring it up if someone has said something to me about it, and that he's seen it become a big issue with other people. I ended up just feeling super hurt, and misunderstood, and not on the same page at all. I went and sat in the bathroom and cried the rest of the night. I tried to discuss it with him the next day. I told him I was sorry that he felt like I took out my reaction to other people on him. I tried to explain, I feel horrid about myself if people ask if my pregnant (I have a bit of a tummy, it sucks), and that it's hard explaining to people, No, I don't have children of my own. My Husband has a vasectomy. He got it before I ever met him. Yes, they CAN be reversed, but have mixed results. Umm.. yea we don't know, maybe in the future, depends on insurance and life etc. He doesn't get asked about it as much. I tried to explain too, that yes, I have days I really want a baby, and yes, I will probably be a little disappointed if we can't have a baby and I may be a little bummed out. That doesn't change how I feel about him or wanting to be with him. I knew he had vasectomy when I married him. If he had said there's no way we can have a baby, do you still want to marry me, I would have still said yes.
I just felt like he was viewing me as someone obsessed with having a baby and I would become one of those people who destroys their marriage over it. First of all, I don't want A baby, I want OUR baby. If I wanted a baby, I could do sperm donation or adoption (both of which are wonderful options for other people). I don't want to go thousands of dollars into debt doing fertility treatments, I don't even want a definite, yes, we're going to try to have a baby. There are 2 things I'd like. Find out if our insurance covers anything. If it doesn't at all, than it's pretty much a moot subject. Its just not logical for us to go into extreme debt just to get pregnant (That's not counting the cost of the child once it's born). He has 2 beautiful girls to take care of right now, one of which starts college in a year that we have to help pay for, I still have pretty big student loans to pay for and am only working part time. Sometime I wish we could just throw caution to the wind and just have a baby no matter what, or that some how, one of his 'swimmer" magically made it through :P I don't want to destroy our marriage over it, it's not worth that. The second thing is, if insurance does cover it, have Hubby go to a specialist to find out what options there are because of the vasectomy. Those are the two big yes or no things that i would like to know soon, because I feel it would give me piece of mind. Even if both were big flashing green lights, that doesn't mean I'd want to be like "hey, lets start this baby process now!!' Hell, I don't think either of us are entirely sure about having one. I just want to know if it's a viable option, that's all. Now I'm sort of paranoid that he thinks I'm nuts about baby stuff. But I want to remind him, I've always fawned over cutsey baby stuff, even as a pre-teen, and currently, I'm surrounded by a lot of people having babies, so it's hard not to get swept up in it. I worry sometimes that I would be terrible at the parenting thing and that I already don't get enough husband alone time and maybe it would be terrible and it would 18 more years and then I just start to feel like a nutcase.

Sunday we grabbed lunch at Juan's Flying Burrito (yum!) and then saw an art exhibit at the CAC. It was called "freak parade" by Thomas Woodruff. It was a series of paintings that all linked together that were sort of like circus freak performers of his own creation. I really liked it.

School... still sucks. It's not even worth bitching about as it will just irritate the crap out of me. I have to drive up there to get some help. I hope she'll actually help, not just talk around it and tell me other people I can ask for help. She said she only has 45 mins, which will probably be more like 30... so I'll drive like an hr and 30 mins each way, for 30-45min worth of her time.

Things are going a bit better with E. Maybe it's just that when we have the two of them and a lot going on it gets overwhelming... I dunno. It's still like pulling teeth to get her to get stuff done. There's like 10 total scholarships I want her to get done before she leaves, because it's pretty obvious watching her and hearing Husband talk about what her mom says/complains about/doesn't do herself.... no other scholarship stuff will get done the rest of the summer or fall unless required by school.

This has been an epic post, but it felt sorta good to get it of my chest