Haven't updated it almost 2 weeks... lets see.
Did go to BR to see K and her friend B. Had a lovely time. Went to an awesome Japanese restaurant and tried new food, went and browsed fabric and picked out some to make K's baby blanket, went swimming at B's parents house (it's been like 2 years since I've been in a pool), then ended up going out to eat with K's husband, their daughter and her husband's mom and step dad. It was a really nice day. K being pregnant makes me sort all eggy, but at the same time, it's been the first time that a good friend is pregnant and I'm actually close enough by to say, visit and get to see the kiddo after it's born. I moved before all my friends at home from prep/HS started having babies, I haven't met any of them, and some are 2!

G & E's mom (usually referred to as Psycho by me -- mature? no... but if you've met her, you understand), decided that she was going to drive in last week for "parents day" at the art camp. Mind you, hubby teaches at said art camp and has for years. Since I've been in the picture (5 yrs) she has not once come for parents day at the camp... even when she lived in the same damn town. I"m sure she had some sort of other reason for coming. My bet was she wanted to get her brother to take her out on his boat to go looky-loo at the oil spill. The other plausible explanation is that her son was driving her nuts and getting G 2 weeks early might give her a reprive. She took her Wed after camp, came to the camp thurs, pulled grace out early because her son was throwing a fit (logic would be, let G stay and get dropped off rather than her be punished by her brother's behavior), I guess they headed back to Tx on friday. I wish I would have known she was going directly with her mom wed, I would have made sure to give her a squeeze on my way out the door on Wed morning.
The rest of the week was rather uneventful. Friday I took the dog to the vet, it was expensive. Sat morning we took the dog for a 'temperament test" at the dog nanny place, to make sure he can play nice with other dogs. He seemed to have fun, but I'm still going to feel bad leaving him for 5 days in July. The rest of Saturday we didn't really do anything productive. Husband and I ended up getting into it about babies and pregnancy. It came up innocently in the car on the way home from getting groceries. Off course the second we walk in the house, he drops the the topic. Well later in the evening, I tried to broach it again. He tells me house he doesn't want it to become a fight, and he feels like he's being punished for other people's rudeness and that I only bring it up if someone has said something to me about it, and that he's seen it become a big issue with other people. I ended up just feeling super hurt, and misunderstood, and not on the same page at all. I went and sat in the bathroom and cried the rest of the night. I tried to discuss it with him the next day. I told him I was sorry that he felt like I took out my reaction to other people on him. I tried to explain, I feel horrid about myself if people ask if my pregnant (I have a bit of a tummy, it sucks), and that it's hard explaining to people, No, I don't have children of my own. My Husband has a vasectomy. He got it before I ever met him. Yes, they CAN be reversed, but have mixed results. Umm.. yea we don't know, maybe in the future, depends on insurance and life etc. He doesn't get asked about it as much. I tried to explain too, that yes, I have days I really want a baby, and yes, I will probably be a little disappointed if we can't have a baby and I may be a little bummed out. That doesn't change how I feel about him or wanting to be with him. I knew he had vasectomy when I married him. If he had said there's no way we can have a baby, do you still want to marry me, I would have still said yes.
I just felt like he was viewing me as someone obsessed with having a baby and I would become one of those people who destroys their marriage over it. First of all, I don't want A baby, I want OUR baby. If I wanted a baby, I could do sperm donation or adoption (both of which are wonderful options for other people). I don't want to go thousands of dollars into debt doing fertility treatments, I don't even want a definite, yes, we're going to try to have a baby. There are 2 things I'd like. Find out if our insurance covers anything. If it doesn't at all, than it's pretty much a moot subject. Its just not logical for us to go into extreme debt just to get pregnant (That's not counting the cost of the child once it's born). He has 2 beautiful girls to take care of right now, one of which starts college in a year that we have to help pay for, I still have pretty big student loans to pay for and am only working part time. Sometime I wish we could just throw caution to the wind and just have a baby no matter what, or that some how, one of his 'swimmer" magically made it through :P I don't want to destroy our marriage over it, it's not worth that. The second thing is, if insurance does cover it, have Hubby go to a specialist to find out what options there are because of the vasectomy. Those are the two big yes or no things that i would like to know soon, because I feel it would give me piece of mind. Even if both were big flashing green lights, that doesn't mean I'd want to be like "hey, lets start this baby process now!!' Hell, I don't think either of us are entirely sure about having one. I just want to know if it's a viable option, that's all. Now I'm sort of paranoid that he thinks I'm nuts about baby stuff. But I want to remind him, I've always fawned over cutsey baby stuff, even as a pre-teen, and currently, I'm surrounded by a lot of people having babies, so it's hard not to get swept up in it. I worry sometimes that I would be terrible at the parenting thing and that I already don't get enough husband alone time and maybe it would be terrible and it would 18 more years and then I just start to feel like a nutcase.

Sunday we grabbed lunch at Juan's Flying Burrito (yum!) and then saw an art exhibit at the CAC. It was called "freak parade" by Thomas Woodruff. It was a series of paintings that all linked together that were sort of like circus freak performers of his own creation. I really liked it.

School... still sucks. It's not even worth bitching about as it will just irritate the crap out of me. I have to drive up there to get some help. I hope she'll actually help, not just talk around it and tell me other people I can ask for help. She said she only has 45 mins, which will probably be more like 30... so I'll drive like an hr and 30 mins each way, for 30-45min worth of her time.

Things are going a bit better with E. Maybe it's just that when we have the two of them and a lot going on it gets overwhelming... I dunno. It's still like pulling teeth to get her to get stuff done. There's like 10 total scholarships I want her to get done before she leaves, because it's pretty obvious watching her and hearing Husband talk about what her mom says/complains about/doesn't do herself.... no other scholarship stuff will get done the rest of the summer or fall unless required by school.

This has been an epic post, but it felt sorta good to get it of my chest

just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Yea... so it's hard to look on the bright side when stupid crap keeps happening. When I got home last friday, I had an email... one of my thesis committee members retired (due to budget cuts) and no one told me. Then I got informed it was my responsibility to get a new member. I have now since done that and got some help with stats, but I'm super stress and just so over this thesis s**t.

Saturday was the babyshower for our babysitter. It was nice. Good food and she had a good time I think. I was proud how the quilt turned out, and people commented about it. It all sort of made me feel sad about babies though. Here's this child having a child. Everyone is cooing over the cute stuff. I hate that I pass the baby sections in stores, and touch everything with a sense of longing. I know lots of people who are having babies, so I can buy things for them. Sometimes that makes me feel happy, getting to buy the cute stuff I see... other times it makes me sort of sad. I have times when I'm like... well if we had a baby, we wouldn't be able to go to comic con this summer (35days!) or I already don't get enough alone grown up "husband time". But, when it comes down to it, there's a big part of me that wants one.



Trying to do better with E. Trying to ignore the stuff that annoys me (not picking up, not working on stuff she's suppose to be). I do remind hubby... "hey, isn't she suppose to work on..." which probably annoys him. I did read over a scholarship essay for her. She seemed a little annoyed that I actually had corrections and suggestions other than spelling and punctuation, and that I wanted her to type it BEFORE the deadline so we could go over it again. I sat with her yesterday and helped her order some Copic markers. Not that I know anything thing about the markers, but I'm probably a smidge more internet price comparison shopping savvy than hubby. We got her the manga wallet B and most of the colors that are in the "manga fleshtone" pack for $131 shipped. If any one has looked at prices of Copics... it can cost that much for the one wallet set, and we got like 6 more pens. The other night she and I did some clothes browsing on an asian clothing site. There's some things she wants to order and I said I'd help (she has to use her own money). I'm trying to make sure G doesn't feel like all the attention (esp. her dad's) isn't going all to E while she's here. Since the way it seems is, G gets forgotten at her mom's house between stuff for E and stuff for their little brother over there.



I've gotten myself quite excited for comic con by reading blogs, rumors, guides etc on the internet (yup, big nerd). If nothing else, I'm excited to get out of town for a few days. I'm hoping to pick up a shift or 2 for a friend at the daiquiri shop he manages in July to make some spending money (or money to pay for the dog to be boarded while we're gone... whatever).



I think on saturday I'm going to go have lunch and hang out with a friend in Baton Rouge. Then, of course there is Doctor Who in the evening :D Sunday I plan to take hubby and kids to see Toy Story 3 for father's day. I got him an ipod for anniversary last week, so I told him that has to double as a father's day present as well. Then some True Blood and another weekend will be over too quickly.

Always look on the Bright Side of Life.....

*insert Eric Idle whistling*
So I figured since a lot of my posts so far have been complaining, that I'd write a list of good things/Things I'm looking forward to/things I"m enjoying, etc.

• 41 days til Comic Con - This has become a mantra for me, to keep me going and working on things. So far, there's only a handful of artists/authors announced that I know, but heck, I'd go just for the vendors and the experience of it all

• Third anniversary with Hubby on the 9th. It was nice. We both had work, but we were able to go out to dinner alone at Tujauges.

• Season 3 premiere of True Blood this sunday - yea, the show's a little campy, but I love it. The books are fun too. Going to the ultimate fan thing that the theater last week really helped put me in the mood for it. Plus, I have a bottle of TruBlood to try whilst watching :D

• Cold Brew Iced Tea - I've probably drank almost a liter a day. When I make tea at home, it never tastes like it does in a resturaunt, but it's still good. Sometimes I put a little sugar free Raspberry syrup in it if I'm feeling adventurous.

• Finished the baby quilt for the shower for our babysitter this weekend (Won't get into the whole teen pregnancy thing right now). Finished 1 crib sheet -- which turned into an ordeal, that could have been avoided had I not assumed all fabric was the same width. I hope to finish 2 more crib sheets and maybe some burp cloths tonight.

• Drumstick Sprinkled Cones

• Mad Men - we watched all 3 seasons in the span of a month or so. Looking forward to the new season in July

• Watching series we've netflixed in the evenings with Hubby - Bonekickers hasn't been as good as other BBC series we've watched. This will probably slow some as we have both kids. Maybe rent some movies we can all watch... and of course some Pokemon for G who's become a junkie. At least with a dvd she can watch in her room and not in the living room.

• That I've gotten to cook twice with Basil I grew and that the bell pepper plants acctually have peppers starting on them.

• Reading the book(s) I told myself I'd save for the comic con trip.

• That hubby seemed to be touched by his anniversary present (ipod) and excited to use it. He's been filling it with songs each day)

• That there's suppose to be another season/series of Torchwood -- I'm a little worried that it's suppose to be "torchwood international", cause US networks could totally muck it up.

This is going to be a long summer...

She's only been here 2 hours and I'm already frustrated.

Don't get me wrong, I love E, but she is very frustrating. Husband and I had discussed that there were scholarships she needed to work on while she's here and she needed to spend the first week studying for ACT. The summer art camp he teaches at asked if she could be an assistant. She wants the money, he said yes. So from 7-430 each day, she'll be there. When she did it last year, she would promptly come come and sleep for 2-4 hours.

She has one week to study for the ACT. I figured between the camp and the scholarships we wanted her to do and some art lessons hubby wanted to do with her, she'd be plenty busy. Well she comes with this 20+ item assignment for AP studio next year (which sound so strange... how can you advance place on art skills you're suppose to be taught) and a reading list which she hasn't even gotten yet. 20+ assignments (she claims some she can do on her own...), 6 or so scholarships, studying, photographing art work.... for someone who has no time management and is unmotivated. She already dumped stuff all over her room. She picked on her sister as soon as she got here (at 17.... she's big enough to not need to do that to a 10 yr old). I have a feeling there's going to be a lot of shit that doesn't get done.

I was trying to nicely bring it up now... hey, do you think she's going to have enough time to work full time and get this other school stuff done, and both her and hubby just stare at me. yes, she could, if she really buckled down. As she was insisting she could, I reminded her, hey, you're the one who would come home and sleep last year and you haven't completed hardly any of the scholarships we've shown you... so pardon me if I don't have a lot of confidence.

I'm just frustrated.

I'm going to try to keep my distance as much as possible. When ever I start to fuss about the messes or the lack of respect -- Husband gets all defensive, acts like I have PMS and tells me to forget it or go take a bath. It pisses me off to no end. She's not a child, she's 17, going on 18. If everyone thinks she's adult enough to go to college, she's adult enough to pick up her clothes, make her bed, and not rifle through other people's stuff, especially mine.