I've been very cranky lately. I dunno what it is. Some of it is stress, and last week I blamed my period, but grr. Getting headaches a lot is really frustrating. I finished getting the pilot study part of my thesis typed today. That should feel like an accomplishment, but it doesn't, considering it's taken 3 weeks to do. I had to put all the data into SPSS. I had originally done it in Excel. I dunno what made me think I wouldn't have to do it over in SPSS (perhaps the fact that I didn't have a copy of SPSS at the time-- and didn't want to drive an hr+ to go use the computers on campus). I'm to the point I don't even care about my thesis. I have no interest. I feel like grad school had been a giant waste of time and money (money I am still having to fork out.... another $400 for 1 thesis hr over the summer). I just want to be done, but I can't quite seem to get it together and get it finished. Doesn't help that I'm at a loss at how to do the calculations and I get told it was something I should have learned in class...2 years ago. What I did learn was forgotten, and it was a poorly taught class. I'm sick of PHD's with a powertrip (like PHD bighead at work...)

Husband has to go out of town next week, his aunt is having surgery, and his grandmother most likely has Alzheimer's(they live together), and his sister thinks one of them should be there for the surgery, to assess the situation and incase something goes wrong. We live closer (5hrs...vs Arizona), so he gets to be the one to go. That means I'll have G, by myself Wed afternoon through Saturday. I've had her fulldays and into the late evening, but I've never watched (that sounds like babysitting...) her alone, over night for multiple days. I don't see it being too big of an issue, I just don't want her to freak out. We had to find her a summer camp for next week so that there would be some place for her to go when I"m at work. The real test will be thurs and friday when I have to get her up at 6:15 so I can drop her off before I go to work.

Greekfest is this weekend. We were going to get a babysitter for sat night and go out... but that's not working out. I'm sorta bummed. We'll either take G with (which every year the kids have whined the whole time...) or we won't go. MAybe we'll have luck, and she'll get invited to sleepover (I swear I need a organizer just for her activity and social engagements) and we can go sans kiddo

Eh... it's already 9:30 and work in the morning....I hope to be in a better mood tomorrow

Getting to know you... getting to know all about you...

I've had a crummy couple of days, but I figured, rather than whine about them, perhaps, I would post a few random things about me.

5 Celebrities I think are Sexy (in no particular order)

1. James Spader. I will now forever have a soft spot in my heart even if he grows out of favor, as the first thing I said when I met my husband was "not to be creepy or anything, but you look like James Spader" (said after staring at him at a concert, trying to place who I thought I looked like)... seriously, I saw his HS senior pic... Hello Steph from Pretty In Pink

2. John Cusack. What can I say, I have a love of cute guys from the 80s. I watched my tape of Say Anything... so many times, it broke and I had to get the dvd. Too bad he's made such crap movies lately, I miss seeing him.

3. John Barrowman. H-O-T. He's a more recent crush. Sure, he's cute and flirty in Doctor Who, but he's down right steamy in Torchwood. I even went so far as to watch the story arc he was in on Desperate Housewives (I've never seen an episode of that show before in my life).

4. Liev Schreiber. I liked him way before he was Sabertooth (or whatever in X-men). My dad used to groan when I'd watch "A Walk on The Moon" again.

5. Paul Rudd. I dunno... geeky charm, thought he was so cute in Clueless and as sad Mr Paris in Romeo & Juliet.

*Please note, I have not included my music crushes :P

** How in the world did I forget DAVID TENNANT!!!?!? I Love him. It took awhile to warm up to Matt Smith, but David Tennant will always be *my* doctor

Shows I am currently enjoying

~Mad Men.... we have been plowing through this, and started the third season yesterday to be caught up by the new season this summer

~Parenthood -- I really like Peter Krause and Lauren Graham, so maybe that's why I like it so much.

~Glee -- Yup, I'm a gleek, and have an unexplainable crush on Mr Shue.

~Re-watching True Blood in anticipation of season 3

~Bones. I had read quite a few of her books before the show started 5 yrs ago. I thought it looked stupid and nothing like the books... And it had Angel from Buffy, and from the few shows of Buffy I had seen... he was awful. However, last summer, TNT was overrun with reruns and I started to like it. I've seen all of this season and have sorta grown like David Boreanaz.

Books in my bag and on my night stand that have bookmarks in them at various stages of being read

~Wicked

~The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

~Burned (House of Night 7) *no comment please, its light fluffy reading and I checked it out from the library*

~Beneath the Light (I think that's what it's called... its a Tony Hill story -- LOVED Wire in the Blood).

I guess that's all for now, I better get back to working on my thesis, at least for a bit.

So, I was inspired reading some other blogs, that, perhaps it could be therapeutic and maybe a little fun. I asked myself...why, you have a livejournal account? I use that account for silly communities I'm a member/lurker of, and I only let a few people read it, and maybe through a blog I could be relatively anonymous, yet perhaps meet other people who can relate in some ways to my life.

I'm an almost 27 yr old, married to a wonderful man for 3 yrs in June (together for 5 yrs). I have 2 stepdaughters, G who is 10 and E who is 17. G lives with us full-time (save for breaks she goes to her mom). We had both the girls full time the first 2 yrs we were together, but E decided to move with her mom for High School 3 yrs ago.

I find myself in a strange place in my life. I live many states away from all my friends. Sure, I've made one or two friends here, but its not quite the same. Most of my friends are at the stage they are starting to get married, and some having babies. I married someone 12 years older....so no one else I know, knows what it's like to have stepchildren (and their psycho mom). My husband, being nearly 40, most of his friends who are going to have kids, have them (near E or G's ages) or don't plan on it. So here's the situation.... I find myself wanting a baby. So, one may say.... well, why don't you then? Hubby has a vasectomy, and has had it for 10yrs. I know that there are some options, but its overwhelming. People are like... why doesn't he just have a reversal, simple. (according to my google research, reversal success after 10+yrs is low) There are other techniques, that have a slew of abbreviations (MESA, TESA,...). I seriously approached the subject last year on my birthday, and I emailed the fertility clinic to find out what might be the first step. They said there was a urologist for my husband to go to.... he still hasn't yet. I emailed again and got the info again recently, and would like him to go, but I don't want to be naggy. It's partially that a ton of people around me are pregnant.... so it makes the longing more.

I knew full-well, marrying him, we might not have kids, and I was ok with that (still am), I would just like to know if the possibility is there. The 2 immediate steps would be, have him go to the urologist and also, find out what (if any ) fertility-wise our insurance covers. If it doesn't cover any treatments.... the issue is dead in the water. We don't have the THOUSANDS of dollars that fertility treatments can cost. I would love to have a baby, but I don't want to mortgage our house over it or become those couples who end up having their entire life revolve around ovulation to the point they hate each other and want to divorce. So it's not a typical "infertility" case, or just wanting to have a baby... there are all sorts of factors.

I have days that all I want is a baby, and others that are trying and I think... well if we don't, in ten years when G graduates, we can jet set to Europe, or go out on school nights... or something. And I think of all the other complicating things... like I haven't finished school (and have huge debt from it), E will start college in a little over a year and we'll have the expenses of that, and where would a baby go in this house....

Yea... that was a big rant for an opening blog. I'm off to go watch Mad Men with my husband.